December 4, 2021
I rode my bike all the way to purgatory for my mental health. I took an hour and a half. The large tree by the marsh has its branches cut off. The sky was heavy and grey today, and so was I. I did not sleep well last night. The first hour of my insomnia I spent composing in my mind a letter to J about how it feels to try to be friends with an unvaccinated person. The second half of the night was negative feelings. Then it was five and the dog was barking.
December 6, 2021
It is cold and very windy. Took melatonin and went to sleep at 10pm. Woke up at 3 and took Melatonin again. Slept again but not soundly. Woke up at six. Laid in bed for an hour. Now up and making tea. My back hurts. I have shit to get through today.
December 7, 2021
Long bike ride in the fresh snow. Went to school. Ran errands.
December 9, 2021
Diana Butler Bass says that evangelicalism is having an "existential theological panic" because of deconstruction. They are afraid because we are leaving. Good. They made me afraid for the first thirty years of my life. Afraid of hellfire. Afraid of the rapture. Afraid of making God mad at me. Afraid of my own body. These institutions are afraid because we asked too many questions? Good. They made us afraid of our hearts and minds. I'm glad they're having an existential theological panic now. Sow and reap, motherfuckers.